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Did I screw myself/ can I come back?

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  • Did I screw myself/ can I come back?

    This isn't a sob story but I have to provide background for context. I DORd a little over two years ago due to issues with age/maturity, size/strength and a series of mental restraints collectively called mental weakness. Ultimately I left out of fear of being the weak link that gets someone else hurt and the flawed mindset of: "I'm not going to make it, may as well save myself and the cadre some time and go now". Like many, after I left I was mentally devastated and in a very bad place. I picked up AIRR and went there depressed with a bad attitude and even though I was crushing it physically, there was no drive inside of me anymore and I was completely empty. I didn't like the community either. So in a moment of anger and complete disregard for the outcome of anything I dropped out of there too. I stayed at rock bottom hating myself for months. Deservingly, I ended up undesignated on a ship.

    Somehow one day I just snapped out of it and relabeled this bottom I had hit as a clean slate to reinvent myself. I hate the past me and I embrace my current self with respect. Sense that day I have relentlessly worked to build myself into my best version. I am stronger, faster, mentally resilient and better than I ever was. I just want to crush everything with absolute dedication and full effort. I did this for myself, not because I wanted to go back. But here I am and I ask myself why don't I go back? Now every cell in my body wants it. It comes down to the classic "Man in the Arena" concept I don't care what my past actions lead people to believe about me, I was a weak minded quitter and that's what people are going to think. I don't care, I'm the man in the arena now and I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I want back in.

    Did my past actions screw me? Is a double spec. program drop eligible to return?

    Thanks for the consideration.

  • #2
    Well, I will tell you one thing, your chances are ZERO if you don't give it another try. Not only will you have a chance trying but definitely a better one than your last one with your new attitude.


    • #3
      In absolute agreement with you Tippy305. I better just put that package in that's the only way I'll really know. Thanks for the feedback.


      • #4
        TheSaint, doesn’t hurt to try. Worst that can happen is being told no.


        • #5
          You miss every shot you don’t take.