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  • Failure

    Ever since I was 18, I had given it everything that I had to try to see if I had what if took to become a United States NAVY SEAL. My grandfather served as a USAF Officer during the Korean War, I assume as a pilot, because he flew jets and went on bombing runs. My grandfather and one of his sons, an attorney who graduated from UT Austin & Baylor Law, were two of my biggest supporters, along with a guy who had successfully become a SEAL.

    12 years has come and gone fast, and I am now 30 years old.
    ??????
    ??????
    It has been difficult to deal with the failure and self hatred that I harbor when I confront my failure of never enlisting in the US NAVY.

    I am making this to try and get some advice from you here. I have been on this site for awhile. I feel like if I continue to hang around, I will be counterproductive to the thousands or even millions of young people that are going to give it everything they got, and most of them will be successful.

    In my head, I always avoid the topic of The Teams and I dislike confronting the failure that I have put out. I feel like I have let my country down, as well as a lot of my friends & loved ones. Future and past girlfriends that have been let down, and young adults today that look up to me, pursuing careers as professional athletes, or SEAL Officers.

    I know I'm not the only person that has failed at this, and trying to make it into the SEAL Teams is one of the hardest things that someone can ever decide that they want to do.

    I don't know what I'm looking for, but perhaps some guidance going forward. I am not a failure, but I definitely want to break the cycle of failure that I have seen in my life. At least I am finally seeing a breakthrough in my workouts, and I have discovered that I am healthy and in amazing physical fitness.

    And thank you to the SEALS, Naval Special Warfare, and everyone else in the US military for: your service and your compassion, your unwavering commitment to duty, and for protecting our country and successfully keeping her citizens out of harm's way. I also want to thank the SEAL operators and other people that have reached out to me for various reasons. Your support has meant a lot to me. I will never forget the sacrifices that have been made by our military in the past, & I pray that you all make it home safely to your families, & I wish you the best of luck in your future!

  • #2
    I turn 29 in less than a month. It's like watching a dream slip through my fingers without being able to do anything. Let me tell you what happened.

    I walked out of my job last year in February. I was an assistant manger for the logistics and inventory department for a large scale retail chain, and I had a lot of promise going forward, but like you, I always had my eye on the teams. I walked into the local recruiters office and speaking hesitantly, I told him my ambitions. "I want on the teams." I said, and expecting an eye roll and a "we got another 'future SEAL," his response was quite the opposite. "You're a SEAL candidate before I knew your name." (I'm well built)

    I couldn't believe it, I had thought this dream of being a team guy was so far-fetched and unrealistic. But here I had a Navy recruiter tell me that he was going to get me a contract (well all that he needed to do at least). I've had injuries that required surgery and so I brought all my paperwork and my recruiter told me it would take about four to five months before I DEP in. I was 27 at the time and knew I had until 29 to ship to boot. Those five months passed by, and not a word from anyone. I got scared, really scared. He I was getting mentally ready for the nut kick known as BUDs but slowly I started to see this reality of a dream slip through my fingers. Fast forward, I staring at my age cut-off time approaching.

    This is longer than I wanted to post but I feel you could benefit from my similar experience.

    Failure? Yup. A let down to my friends and family? Yup. Worthless? Yup. A fraud? Yup. A wannabee? Yup.

    Average?.... The one thing a lot of us in pursuit of this dream fear the most. More than death if you're really the team guy type. Average....

    You can picture how far my psyche went. But failure was definitely one of them.

    How can I pick myself up? How can I move forward with a new mission that could replace everything being on the teams would've been? Being on the teams was the pinnacle of my ambitions. Do I go back to just trying to be a millionaire somehow and just hide this failure to live a dream deep into a corner of my mind?

    Typically someone in your situation OuterHeaven, it's not the best thing to do to give someone advice. You're in a dark place, as far as I can tell, but it seems you're being proactive to look for a solution rather than jumping off a building. I don't want to tell you that your feelings are invalid because they're not. They are as real as the car you drive or the shirt on your back. They're real, and they have meaning, therefore they are justified.

    I'll tell you how I moved on, because obviously I'm not going to be shipping off to boot in less than a month, so I had to take time a couple months ago when this all really hit me to think about how to move on. First, why would it suck to be on the teams?

    I'd be away from family, my own if I had one, away from friends, away from the people that mean the most, and more than your typical sailor. Deployments are one thing, training is like mini deployments on there own. Why do 90+% of team guys end up with a divorce? That sucks.

    The team guys take a beating, there's a reason they say Hell Week is just the beginning. I've had a surgery on my knee, and everything is 100% with it, but I don't know if I'd qualify for Airborne School. Bottom line, it's physically demanding, and I'm sure that's part of the lure, it was for me, but every retired team guy I know has some chronic orthopedic problem. That sucks.

    I don't know about you, but I wasn't looking forward to BUDs. That my sound weird, but how many times have you heard that BUDs is just a kick in the nuts? I know I have. BUDs is like a necessary evil that has to be done to get to where you want. I was ready to do it, but just not all HOOYAH as I'm sure a lot of younger guys are. I hear they're typically the first to quit. Now that I've moved on, for now, I like to tell myself, 'that's a whole lot of wet n' sandy I don't have to do anymore.' BUDs sucks.

    (continued on next post)


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    • #3
      I'm sure I could've just discourage quite of few people reading this, or 'offended' others, talking like I know what it takes and everything it's about to be a SEAL. I mean, I've read many books, YouTube for hours, online research and all the information I could get my hands onto just to have that preparatory knowledge before I went to training.

      There is no doubt being a SEAL is badass. You are the modern day Achilles. All you have to say is you're a team guy and those who know will know what you're capable of and those don't are taking up space at the bar. If I could go back, **** right I'd do it. But I guess God has a different idea.

      I've been looking for success in my life and thought I would find it in the SEAL teams. However and interesting thing I was reminded of goes like this: "You will find what you want most in a place you least want to look." I started looking, and I found it. You will too OuterHeaven. Trust God.

      It still hurts though, I was so close to getting to try out for one of the best jobs in the world. One that even pro athletes say they wish they had the chance to do. Looking at pictures of team guys before they go out, and thinking, 'that won't be me anymore.' That hurts. But I bet after all these years wanting to join the team that you have developed a certain mindset that is required for team guys, you won't quit. If you don't have that mindset, why would you even try out? I would imagine you developed a sense of good physical fitness, one that's well balanced with excellent cardio and superb strength. Being that you wanted to be a team guy means that you already began shaping your mind to be a team guy, and there a sense of humility to that. It doesn't mean you can walk around like you're a team guy, but when *it hits the fan, you know you got what it takes. You've studied them, you prepped to be one of them, so I believe there's a small part of you that is one of them.

      Let's not be stupid though, we are not Navy SEALs, and we will never be actually Navy SEALs. That doesn't mean I can’t take the knowledge I've gained and applying it to my future. We will never know whether we ACTUALLY would have made through BUDs, but I will carry the ignorant belief that I would have, and all that it implies.

      Lastly, I swear an oath to never mention my ambition to anyone. Nobody needs to know I wanted to join the SEAL teams. Not even team guys themselves.
      I was once asked by someone who was a trainer as NSW prep in Great Lakes, "What team?" he asked. All I said was "I don't know what you mean." And that was that.
      Last edited by xb38; 04-23-2019, 04:34 PM.

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