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Seals with a Family

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  • Seals with a Family

    I'm 25 years old, recently married in August and expecting a child at the end of this month. I have a good job which I had since graduating high school and always had a strong desire to join SO. My wife comes from a military family, father and brother both actively served. My wife seems very supportive of a career in the military but I am curious to hear a few experience from someone who has went to BUD/s with a family.

  • #2
    While I personally cannot convey any of my own wisdom, there are a few books out there that would really help you. Look into Fearless. Adam went to BUD/s with a wife and served in the teams with two kids. He was an incredible father who put his family first. American Sniper also talks about Chris's experiences with juggling service/kids. On the other hand a lot of guys, like Marcus Luttrell made darn sure that they didn't have a family until after the service. Recommendation: read Fearless.

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    • SSchick
      SSchick commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, much appreciated!

  • #3
    Most important point first: a general recommendation for anyone getting into this field is that it's not a good idea to get married. If you're already married or want to be, it's time to strongly reconsider. Those are the words of a seasoned UKSF SAS operator. When he says the words "strongly reconsider" that means he's ordering you: don't do it!

    What is your goal? For the marriage to survive through your career which may last until you're 70 or even older? Some of them have stayed married. I'm sure there's some general guidelines that you need to follow because most guys will end up divorced. I'm not trying to help you, just trying to come to grips with it myself.

    First thing is probably not getting a divorce.

    Second thing is to not come back acting like you were there the whole time and not accusing her of cheating. She's probably not doing anything wrong to begin with.

    My girlfriend lives in the EU and I live in Texas. Her friend contacted me and told me that she cheated on me twice in one day. A friend gave me some good advice before when I was dating a different girl from Europe. I'm not there, therefore I can't possibly fulfill her sexual needs and desires no matter how hard I try. Therefore the girl knows that I won't ever fault her for anything she does.

    It's probably the same just to a greater degree. Don't give her all your money. It's good for her to live on base so she has support systems. It's also important for her to work, especially if there aren't any kids in the picture. I'm not sure about the NAVY but USAF has free child care.

    Keep in mind it'll be harder on her. If I look at myself, I won't be there to teach my son how to swat balls or intercept passes. He probably won't even have the opportunity to get a shot at varsity football in any school that he has a shot at the dreams that most kids have. I won't be there to teach my daughter how to hit softballs.

    It's certainly harder at the start of a special operations career. You're lucky if you get two full weeks on vacation with your wife a year, sad but true. Luckily, that could turn into a 6 month vacation some day on an active unit, or even develop into a position at home where you work somewhere stateside planning combat operations, you will come home every night. You will probably work short days.

    And I've read Fearless, Lone Survivor, American Sniper, SEAL TEAM ONE by **** Couch.

    I'm not a SEAL but not many of them actually have time to come on here and tell you this. I'm 27 and wanted to do this for awhile. Believe it or not I've had a lot of time to sit and think about this. The odds are working against you since you are already married. Godspeed.

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    • #4
      Having a family and also being in the Teams will take a great toll on your heart and mind. You will miss much of kids growing and wont be able to comfort your wife when she needs it always. Also you run the risk of not even seeing them grow up. If your wife understands what hardships accompany being apart of the Frog Family then that will ease what is to come. I myself would not want the added stress of working to be a T1 and balancing a family while doing it, but then again things can change. If its your dream and life endeavor to join the Teams do it, just look ahead in your own life and feel if it is the right move. For all you know your wife and kid may push you along even harder to reach that goal because providing a great life for them will help shape positive future generations. Do what you feel is right in your heart and your mind, Kokoro, unify them. Also psychology shows that what scares you the most, when confronted will help you grow the most.
      "Lord, let me not prove unworthy of my brothers."

      "Ace Ventura: If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!"

      “Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

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